


Still holds beauty

by Rattlesnake



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Rickyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:18:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Terminus Daryl and Rick have been seperated from the others in a different train car. Daryl feels ridden by guilt for not being able to protect the group. Rick on the other hand thinks that it might be time to unwind for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still holds beauty

Daryl is pacing the boxcar they are imprisoned in like a hunted animal. He and Rick have been moved to a separate cabin for some reason he doesn’t know. But he suspects that it isn’t a good sign. How could this have happened? He’d sworn that he’d keep Rick and the others safe if he ever had the chance to again. That he would never let him out of his sight, prevent him from anything that might harm him. He’d felt so damn protective of him when he’d seen Rick sitting with his back to the car all bloody and broken after his confrontation with Joe’s gang. He knows how Rick feels, how much he loathes that brutal and violent side of his that frequently shows nowadays. He had wanted Rick to find peace for a while in a safe camp so that he could become more himself again.  
And now? What was this? Just another trap they’d gotten themselves into. Had walked into it like a bunch of sheep to slaughter. It’s just too damn stupid. And ironic. Almost everyone is here at Terminus. Almost the whole group he’s learned to see as his family. And he can’t do a damn thing for them. He slams his fist against the wall so hard it hurts. Why does he always fail them? Why can’t he protect Rick?

Rick is leaning against one of the walls, watching Daryl in the darkness. There’s hardly any light in the cabin, just a few streaks from under the door. It’s driving Daryl crazy to be locked up in here, not knowing what’s going on with the others, not being able to do anything. He feels like he’s ready to burst. Everything else would be better than this: Fighting a herd, trying to survive out there. Well maybe not anything. At least Rick’s with him. Now Daryl can hear him walking up to him and Rick puts a hand on his shoulder. “Come sit with me, Daryl.”

They go over to a corner and Daryl drops down, the back of his head to the wall, legs crossed, fists clenched. He supposes that Rick wants to talk things over with him, wants to discuss some kind of escape plan. But Rick just sits there next to him, one hand almost protectively on Daryl’s shoulder and it irritates the hell out of Daryl. He doesn’t need protection. Or comfort. And he sure as hell doesn’t deserve it.

Rick has already told him that nothing was his fault, that he knew that Daryl didn’t have a choice. He’d even understood how lonely he had felt after losing Beth. Still Daryl can’t help constantly thinking about the fact that the group he’d fallen into had tried to rape Carl. To kill Rick. Had almost succeeded. And he hadn’t been able to stop them. He can’t forgive himself. What Rick said to him by the car – he doesn’t deserve it. He’s nobody’s brother anymore. Inside he is still such a very foul person. He’s been trying to change but it just clings to him like tar. He is like Merle, like their father. He doesn’t deserve a group. Doesn’t deserve Rick’s attention.  
“You should be with Carl”, he says in a low drawl. “’m sorry we’re stuck here.”

“He’s with Michonne. He’ll be alright for now.”

Daryl can’t believe it but Rick is actually stroking his arm now. As if he’s some kind of stray cat that needs reassurance. He almost pulls away because it seems so strange. 

“You’re tense, Daryl. You still haven’t forgiven yourself, right?”  
Daryl slowly shakes his head. “Nah. I just failed everyone. Beth, you. The group. Didn’t do anything right.”

“Daryl that’s not true. We wouldn’t have made it ‘til now without you.”

“And look what wonderful place we’re in now.”

“Also not your fault. This was my call.”

“Self blame isn’t helping. You’re right. We need to try and get out.” He slaps one hand against the wall.

“Maybe we just need to calm down for a little while. Just for a few hours. Try to relax, to clear our heads.”

“Yeah.” That sounds somehow damn desirable coming from Rick. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just unwind a little. Daryl’s shoulders lose some of their tension. 

And then suddenly Rick is very close. Daryl doesn’t understand what is happening at first because it is so surprising, so completely unexpected. He instinctively jerks back, raises his hands in an attempt to protect himself and grabs Rick’s wrists pushing him back. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks, now slightly embarrassed by his violent reaction. Wasn’t like Rick was going to strangle him. He lets go of his him, still tense, and eyes him suspiciously. 

Rick moves more slowly this time, more careful. He puts his hands on Daryl’s shoulders in an almost gentle way. “I’m sorry” Rick whispers. His voice is a low growl. “I’ve wanted to do this and I was afraid I’d never get a chance anymore.” 

Daryl hasn’t got a clue what he’s talking about and it freaks him out. Something’s different about Rick and he doesn’t get it. There’s a change in the atmosphere he can’t grasp and it makes him cringe. He hates not being on top of situations.  
Rick leans in closer. And then Daryl finally understands, because now Rick is actually fucking kissing him. On the lips. His tongue is gently begging entrance and there are low sounds coming from him that make the little hairs on Daryl’s neck stand on edge. Merle is immediately there in his head, calling him faggot and queer and a lot more insulting things and Daryl’s ears are ringing. He raises his hands again and puts them on Rick’s chest but for some reason he doesn’t push the other man away. This is Rick for god’s sake. The man who’s been in his thoughts constantly. The whole time since prison. The one he’d lost it for in front of gentle and kind Beth. The one he would have gladly given his life for to Joe. What is a kiss compared to that? Even if it means that all of Merle’s predictions are about to come true. That some of his worst fears take shape.

And then he feels something strange. A little stirring in his loins that he knows well, even though he doesn’t feel it very often nowadays. Rick is clinging to him now, his hands on Daryl’s shoulder and the nape of his neck, stroking him in soft little circles. And the kiss isn’t half bad actually. There is stubble and Rick’s lips are a little dry just like his own, but it still feels good and warm and moves something inside him that hasn’t moved in a long while.

There was a time in his life when he’d thought that his father had beaten all kind of sexual desire out of him. And then there’d also been that ugly night when he’d still been so weak and ridiculous and some scary old guy had gotten hold of him and taken everything there might still have been left of his slowly awakening sexual drive. From then on there was only shame and violence. He’d had two awful experiences with one night stands Merle had pushed him into and apart from that he’d stayed away from sexual encounters as much as possible. There’d been a few women who’d found him attractive for reasons he couldn’t even grasp and they’d all been disappointed with him very quickly. He’d understood quite fast that sex just wasn’t for him. It was something that frightened him, made him feel awkward and embarrassed.

But not this. Not this gentle nibbling and teasing from Rick. He has Daryl’s lower lip caught between his teeth now and is very gently kneading and biting it. The fingertips of his right hand are gliding up and down Daryl’s neck and his left hand rests on Daryl’s side. There is nothing violent about this. It doesn’t even seem weird, even though it probably should. Rick lets go of his lip and kisses him again. “We might not have a lot of time left”, he whispers. “I don’t want to miss out on another chance of doing what I want to do. I don’t need another thing I have to regret.”

Daryl is still sitting completely still, rooted to the spot. But there is a lot going on in his mind. There are so many bad insulting words for this and he knows them all. Has probably used most of them. Then how is it possible that it feels so good? He sighs very quietly and Rick puts both hands to his face, cupping it. Daryl knows that he is looking at him in the darkness of their prison.

“I’m sorry if this is really awkward for you, Daryl Dixon. I’ve never kissed a man before.”

“Never?” Daryl’s voice sounds strange to his own ears.

Rick shakes his head. “Can’t say that I never wanted to, though.”

“Shane?” Daryl’s question is almost inaudible. But Rick flinches. “How’d you know?”

“Didn’t.” But there’d been something in the way Rick had looked at Shane. Something that made him wonder whom Rick was really jealous of, Shane or Lori. Daryl hadn’t even consciously thought about it at the time, but it was there at the back of his mind.

“Maybe I wanted to but never as much as I’ve wanted to kiss you, Daryl. I really longed for this. Kept me alive sometimes.” He leans forward and catches Daryl’s lips between his teeth again as if he just can’t resist. Daryl shuts his eyes and there are tiny little butterfly wings somewhere deep in his stomach, where there’s only been emptiness or anger for so long. He moans quietly.

“It’s so good”, Rick whispers. “I’m glad I did it.”  
He moves even closer and in that moment Daryl feels it and blood rushes to his cheeks. He is getting hard. His dick is bulging his trousers and is beginning to feel uncomfortably restrained. He bites his lip and stretches one leg and Rick chooses that moment to bow his head and kiss Daryl’s neck. Arousal shoots through him like an arrow and he jerks his hips. Suddenly he is so very aware of Rick’s hands and his lips and the feel of his breath on his already heated skin.

What if Rick doesn’t want to take this any further? What if he is disgusted by Daryl’s reaction? What if he wants to take it further and Daryl isn’t able to perform? His heart is hammering in his chest and his hands clench into tight fists against. His breath catches.  
He tries to move away but now Rick is coming on top of him, still kissing a very sensitive spot below Daryl’s ear and all Daryl can think is that he doesn’t deserve this. He is dirty and mean and never gets a thing right. And Rick is a brave and strong leader who’s constantly putting himself in line for all of them. It feels too good being kissed by him, being appreciated in this way, feeling as if Rick genuinely cares for him. And then he probably really does. But Daryl feels like it’s wrong. That this isn’t for him.  
“I want this so much”, Rick whispers in his ear.

And then Daryl lets go. His fists unclench and his arms move around Rick’s back and he moans deeply when he pulls him closer. It feels so desperately good to be aroused, to have Rick in his arms, to be allowed to feel something this amazing. For once his body isn’t against him. He doesn’t know where his sudden need and hunger come from but he can’t keep it in any more and Rick is dealing with it. Daryl is now grinding his hips against him in the desperate attempt to get some release and Rick doesn’t hesitate to open his belt and his trousers for him. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Daryl”, he whispers. “I’ve got you.”

And in some weird way that is just what he needs to hear. He raises his hips so Rick can shove down his pants and then Rick is right next to him and his hand is on his stomach and is moving slowly deeper as if it is asking Daryl’s consent. And Daryl’s heart skips a beat, because he is so frightened that Rick might let him down at the last second. That he’ll tell him that this is all a joke. That of course he doesn’t want to get it off with Daryl Dixon. That he finds him disgusting, revolting even.  
But then Rick’s hand gently closes around his dick and he whispers softly in Daryl’s ear. “I’m here. You’re wonderful, Daryl. You’re amazing.”

Never in his whole life has anyone said something like that to him and it really gets to him. It burns inside of him like a bonfire to hear Rick whom he admires so say those words. And deep inside his belly something clenches that he knows will burst with pleasure later. He hasn’t felt like this in ages. Maybe he’s never felt like this, because he’s never trusted anyone like he trusts Rick. He always had his guard up, always watched out. And now he’s here on the floor of this boxcar and about to become completely undone by the man who pulled him out of nothingness at least twice.

He grinds his teeth because he doesn’t want to get loud, because that would be embarrassing. But Rick kisses him again and he moans into his mouth. And then Rick strokes him harder and Daryl feels it coming. He’s not frightened and ashamed anymore, because this is really big. And then he’s moaning Rick’s name and gasping for air. His hips are rolling and he shoots his load over Rick’s hand and his own stomach. And it feels so good, so good, like nothing ever has before. And he’s so glad and so damn thankful and even a little emotional for a sec.

He breathes deeply and tries to calm his racing heart.

Then reality sinks in. He’s done it with another man. What Merle always hinted at has come true. He can hear his big brother laughing at him even from his grave and he instinctively moves away from Rick who’s trying to pull him close.  
“Daryl”, Rick whispers. “It’s alright. Please don’t be ashamed. Don’t shut me out.”

And somehow Rick’s words are stronger than Merle’s at that moment. Daryl swallows hard. His voice is low and raspy. “I’d say that was a little gay.”

Rick shrugs. “I don’t mind. I’ve denied me this for all of my life. No reason denying it at the end of the world.”

“True.” Daryl sits up and brushes a hand over his stomach in a rather futile attempt to clean himself up. He feels a little lost but also quite good. Rick’s right. What does anything matter anymore? “What about you?” he asks. “Don’t you want to … you know, get off?”

“Don’t worry about me.” Rick says. “I can take care of that.”

“What if I want to do it?” Daryl’s surprised by his own words. But he means it. He wants to do this for Rick. Wants to make him feel good. Wants to make him come. He doesn’t care what that says about him right now. This might really be their last chance.  
He hears Rick’s heavy breathing and he can just tell that Rick really wants it. And it makes him confident. Even when he doesn’t immediately succeed in opening Rick’s belt it’s okay, because Rick’s chest is now heaving and his stomach is already clenching. Daryl can tell he isn’t far from his climax right now. ‘I’m doing that to him’ he reminds himself and that somehow makes him proud. ‘He’s this aroused because of me.’

When he finally grabs Rick’s erection it doesn’t feel strange in his hand at all. It’s okay to hold another man’s dick as long as it’s Rick. And thankfully he knows what to do with it. Of course he masturbates and he just does to Rick’s cock what he usually does to his own. The angle’s a bit different of course, but Rick doesn’t seem to mind at all. One of his hands grabs Daryl’s arm and holds it real tight and Daryl likes to feel that, likes to hear Rick’s moans that are getting deeper and louder. He feels that Rick is going to lose it soon and he feels strangely protective of him at that moment. He wants to tell him that he’s got him, that he wants this too, but he can’t. He can’t say anything. And then Rick’s hips rise and he grips Daryl’s arm so tight it almost hurts and then he’s there, he’s coming. Daryl can feel it and it’s not disgusting at all. It’s beautiful. He tries to see Rick’s face in the half-light of the boxcar and is disappointed that he can’t really make him out. 

It’s only afterwards he feels awkward again. He knows it smells like sex in the cabin and that embarrasses him. He cleans his hand on Rick’s Jeans and moves away. He can’t look at him anymore so he just stares into the darkness. He can still hear Rick’s heavy breathing next to him. Rick’s slowly sitting up.

“Daryl, you okay?” Rick sounds worried.

Daryl doesn’t want to answer. Doesn’t want to talk about it, because right now there are so many thoughts in his mind. His head is spinning. And he can just see Merle leaning in the other corner, can see him clear as day even though it’s dark. His brother has his arms crossed and he’s grinning at him maliciously. “So you’re his bitch now?”

Daryl almost launches. “Never. What’s it to you?”

“It means everything to me, Daryl.” Rick’s voice is very low and he reaches out to him. Daryl pulls away and watches his brother’s laughing face.

**Author's Note:**

> I've shipped Rick and Daryl for over a year now and usually if I ship a pairing I write a lot of slash about them. Strangely enough I never managed to really get Rick and Daryl together in my head up to now. Daryl just seems so asexual to me in a way, erotic as I find him. And whatever scenarios I worked out in my head just didn't work for him. So I can say that I'm really glad to have managed to write this story that somehow fits for me. I'd really appreciate to hear your thoughts. Criticism is also very welcome. Thank you.


End file.
